If He Had Been with Me Book Summary

The Beginning

If He Had Been with Me is a young-adult high school romance novel by Laura Nowlin, published in 2013. Set in a small town and narrated by Autumn, the novel deals with complex human emotions, tumultuous adolescence, and a tragic loss. Autumn and Finny are best friends, and they grew up together. Their mothers are best friends, too. Autumn’s mother suffers from mental health issues, while her dad remains absent. Therefore, she spends most of her time with Finny’s family.

The Rift

They shared thoughts, explored the woods together, and were inseparable till middle school, when their friendship started fading. Over the years, they drifted apart, and their friend circles changed. Autumn hung out with the school outcasts, and Finny became popular. They met at family events, but those meetings were mostly emotionless until Autumn started missing him. Meanwhile, Autumn dates a boy named Jamie, and Finny dates Sylvie. 

The Reconciliation

During spring break, Autumn’s friends start getting intimate with the people they are dating. She feels like an outcast as she is not ready yet and starts hanging out with Finny. This rekindles their long-lost friendship. Finny admits his feelings for Autumn on one such day. They start spending more time with each other, sharing intimate moments and conversations. However, their romantic endeavors remain fruitless due to their awkwardness and lack of courage to acknowledge their true feelings, fearing they might lose their friendship again.

Back to School

When the school reopens in the new academic year, things between the two start to get awkward again as Autumn, Finny, Jamie, and Sylvie enroll in the same English class. To make things worse, Autumn and Finny’s distinctly different groups of friends start fighting over one particular cafeteria table. Autumn does not like that things are returning to how they used to be, as she does not want Finny to turn back into the stranger he was for so many years. The cafeteria fiasco makes their Thanksgiving holidays awkward like before. Her closeness with Finny is again rekindled in family dinners and nostalgic trips outside the toxic school environment. 

The Final Year

Autumn’s difficult family life plummets her into clinical depression, and she starts visiting a therapist. The final school year brings in divorced parents, college visits, and drunken wrong decisions. One of Autumn’s friends gets pregnant, spurring Finny to remind her to drink responsibly. The coveted prom takes place, followed by the graduation day. Jamie breaks up with her, citing his inability to deal with her depression while dating her friend Sasha. Finny consoles a devastated Autumn. One day, she lets him read the book she was writing, which was clearly about them. They start evaluating their estranged high school years, and it leads to unprotected intimacy between them.

The Accident and its Aftermath

Finny decides to break up with Sylvie the next day. He picks her up in his car, and while driving in the rain, they meet with an accident, throwing Sylvie off to the side of the road. In an attempt to rescue her, Finny is hit with a live electric wire running amok during the thunderstorm. He dies, leaving a pregnant and devastated Autumn to deal with the loss. The already depressed Autumn suffers a great deal while coming to terms with the death of the love of her life. She even attempts to kill herself but is rescued and hospitalized. She considers it a second chance to start things anew and decides to live for their baby.

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